…is just so hard…
For months, I’ve been enjoying the pleasures of self. I have been feeding my egotistical desires without any regret. I have been succumbing to the lust pattern of my flesh…the cravings for approbation and power. I was going down so fast that I never realized the damage I was doing to myself and the people who genuinely love me unconditionally. I was a wreck…and still am…but now, I’m going back.
Back to the One Who loved me first. The One Who died for me even if I was still His enemy. The One Who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross. The One Who knows my name. I’m going back to Jesus. Not that my position in the family of God has been compromised. Romans 8:38 & 39 is clear that nothing can separate me from the love of the Almighty. But, even if I am secured on the inside, for the past few months, I have been living a lie as stated by 1 John 1:6.
I have been teaching and leading prayer and leading worship
routinely…a hypocrite at best. There were times when the Holy Spirit rebuked
me to recover and confess my sins, but the evil I have chosen has already
engraved a path of least resistance in my conscience that it took only a couple
of minutes before I was back in the cradle of sin. Pseudo-happiness took over
the joy I once had with Bible Doctrine. A mistake that happened one small
choice at a time.
Now…I am crumbling on the inside. My norms and standards are slowly picking up the pieces. Doctrine is once again renewing my mind so that I can have the strength to not conform to this world. I cannot fathom the depth of God’s grace, mercy and compassion.
Just as I was reading a portion of my scheduled 12-week devotion
with my wife, I was brought to tears reading this principle “Every event in your life must be understood and interpreted by the Scriptures, for the God revealed in scripture does not change.” Then it goes to Malachi 3:6.
We are so blessed to have an Immutable God. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. And it is because of His mercies and compassion that we…the broken and sinful…are not consumed. So how stupid am I not to go back?